In 2011 Alexandra Higgins spoke to me, and without knowing, her words brought forth the Sensate Nine Moon Saga. Before one word of the series was written, she let me know it would all work out in the end. Her words were cryptic and contained deep thoughts. Here's what she said:
“The real voyage of discovery consists of not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.”
- Marcel Proust
How did I arrive at this particular point in my life? What innate characteristics of my composition perpetuated this specific outcome?
Looking back through my personal history, I appear no different from any other twenty-two year old female. I was always inquisitive, in a quiet sort of way. Throughout school, I followed a scientific approach to most things wondering how and why, just like the rest of beings walking upright. When presented with an unknown, rather than ask, I typically set out to find the answer on my own. I wasn’t striving for the cure for cancer or the proof of alien existence, but instead, I mused over the internal questions: Are we basically good? Does love conquer all? And the big one...Under what circumstances could I take a human life?
I have discovered an insurmountable list of suppositions plague us as we travel through our lives, and how we choose to deal with these bumps in the road is what defines us and imprints individuality among the milling throng walking mindlessly toward our demise. Each step we take forward is a step toward our end.
As a little girl, I wished for many years to be older, to join the world of grown-ups, always certain I was missing out on the great secrets they held. Then, once I arrived at ‘older’, I wished for my youth and the innocence of wonder. Within the confines of this particular thought, I am no different from the majority who wish to go back in time and cling dearly to an instant that forever marked our path forward. I know now that hindsight gives us clarity and an appreciation for the wrong turns in our lives.
Who would have thought a small town girl, brought up on the banks of the great Ohio River, could stray so far from what is considered an ordinary path of existence? I grew up with normal parents, experienced a typical childhood, possessed a fair amount of intelligence, and tried to stay out of the way of those who live on the fringes of society, not really accepting or adapting to the social norms. Yet, all my good intentions were typically accompanied by the unfailing knack of getting into the worst possible situations one can imagine.
Tongue-in-cheek, that’s how my father would have looked at my situation. My mother would have merely patted him on the shoulder and said, “Now, Al, let’s just give her time.”
I am certain that time itself is worth a fair amount of consternation, for within the grand scheme of things, aren’t we but a snippet of an instant? How can one person possibly make a difference, when time is so vast and we are so very insignificant? I am on the fence on this thought; the ramifications are just too infinite to grasp. The ‘butterfly effect’ concept has to be lumped into the immeasurable aspects of life.
I don’t know where it comes from, but I’ve always had confidence. Confidence I could learn and adapt. I was always the first one in line to try something new, never being afraid of the unknown. I had confidence that, when all else failed, I could count on myself, my inner strength, my core. Even when I knew nothing about a given situation, I always felt I could overcome an obstacle and manage to continue forward. Even now, I’m not worried…
Looking back at Alexandra's thoughts from 2011, I have to wonder at the writing process. She knew the outcome in the beginning. My Alexandra brought me from a cistern high on a hill in Waynesburg, PA to the glorious conclusion of the Prophecy. Amazing. Also amazing was that fact that she lived inside of me... I offer a toast to all the characters who live inside us and breathe life through the written word. Bless you.